Think iron fist in a velvet glove... Yes, it's cliched but how else would you describe a cosseting, leather-lined luxury saloon that packs all the goodies and around 300kW - 400 horses in the old money?.. A car that out-sprints all but a handful of sporties, and yet can still waft four and their luggage in regal splendor?
Jaguar's S-TYPE R is some velvet glove and it is also our pick as the Q-car on the Noughties. So far anyway...
Old school (if just a little contrived), retro looks that cry '60s-vintage Mark II mean that it's easy for the car to blend into the crowd. Sure, afficionados will pick the cat-like stance, big paws and subtle rear spoiler, but for the majority of the nine-to-fivers, forget it. No big three-pointed star, no M-something badge, no look-at-me body kit... For all 'they' know it's JAAPC - just another attractive prestige car.
Push the loud pedal with feeling, however, and the S-TYPE R's supercharged 4.2-litre V8 responds with serious urge. An absolute mountain of torque off the bottom makes sure there's plenty of aural and visual cues from the rear low-profile Continentals. And the urge just keeps coming.
It takes this sort of un-Jaguar-like behaviour to get the car noticed. Suffice it to say during our short period with the S-TYPE R, there were more than a couple of slack-jawed wannabes left at the lights wondering what had just clobbered them.
And the good news isn't all in a straight line. Despite a hefty 1800kg fighting weight, the S-TYPE R is remarkably nimble in the tight stuff, and unerringly accurate and fleet of foot in big sweepers.
A visit to some favourite racer roads of old in the big cat surprised yours truly. The route combined a license-numbing cruise down what Victoria's finest laughingly call a freeway, before tackling the real roads -- a mixture of long open triple-digit sweepers, tight and twisting dairy farm enhanced switchbacks and then finally a dry, well surfaced coastal blast.
Across this range of topography the S-TYPE R was an eye-opener. Limo-like manners on the boring bits and when the going got interesting not only did the pace surprise, so did the aplomb with which the car carried itself.
Fast sweepers can be dispatched at eye-opening pace. Jaguar's engineers really seem to have the spring and damping rates sorted out in this current guise. The R's underpinnings soak up the worst of the bumps with no histrionics, and little of the pitching and untidiness lesser cars exhibit.
When the advisory signs get closer together and start to resemble pasta types, the R's accurate and communicative steering means that you're still in charge -- driver not helmsman. Such is the low rpm urge of the powerplant, however, that it pays to leave the bytes and bits in charge of traction when the road's tight and the surfaces are less than perfect.
Provided the surface is good, you can push the button to cancel (most, not all) the computer assistance and have some real fun. It's in this sort of going that you'll wish for a true tiptronic style shifter for the R's excellent six-speed multi-mode auto. Not a fan of Jag's J-gate, I'm afraid.
All the while, the Brembo-sourced multi-piston 'ABS plus the works' brakes make short work of both the Jag's speed and heft. Plenty of feel and power to burn...
As you'd expect from a car the wrong side of $160,000 the S-TYPE R is not short on driver and passenger appointments. Top notch stereo with six-disc, boot-mounted changer, fully automated dual-zone climate control, sunroof, auto headlamps (Xenon, of course) acres of leather and deep carpeting as only the Poms can do.
There's electric everything to the point that the front seats have enough electronic adjustments to bamboozle a boffin. Persevere with the multi adjustments and you'll eventually be rewarded with pews fit for a king. Supportive and comfortable -- just make sure you log your combination in one of the two memory positions.
Much as the equipment list is impressive, it is the prodigious and syrupy urge of the blown eight under the S-TYPE R's bonnet that will find places for the car in enthusiasts' garages and keep the smile on owners' dials.
Without belittling the impressive piece of work the S-TYPE R is, this is an engine that begs to be shoehorned into something much lighter and sharper.
Though not the most melodious of engines, the R has an aural signature that makes it unique. Under acceleration the supercharger's mechanical edge combines with a V8 burble that's higher tech than the pushrod cacophony most Aussie ears are used to.
Combine this symphony with the right package and Jaguar could have a modern D-type on its hands. The queue starts here...