Top 10 worst car names

How are cars named? Imagine a flashy meeting room full of highly-educated marketing types sipping on organic chai tea, nodding thoughtfully as they brainstorm idea after brilliant idea as a well-muscled, highly-intelligent intern excitedly scrawls themes and objectives on a glass white board.

Now consider something more likely: a senior executive yelling into the phone after midnight on a Sunday, whiskey stains on face, arms and tummy. This would be followed by uncontrollable sobbing as he (or she) beseeches the CEO to reconsider their idiotic name.

"We just have to call it the Nimbus. Peter... Peeeeeeeeeeter, this family van is – hic – is literally a dark cloud of happiness, is juz beautiful. Don't forget about the – hiccup – Borowski file. I could've hung you out to DRY! Buuut no, I had your back, I freaking DEFENDED the filthy dirty human that you are, hmmkay."

Whichever the case, here are 10 of the worst car names in history. See if you can guess which of the two examples above best expresses how these cars got their names, and feel free to add your own nominations in the comments section below.

Ssangyong Stavic

What's with the name?
It matters little whether you subscribe to the Stav-ich or Stav-ic pronunciation, because both sound like a rash you'd contract after a hot and sweaty session in a squalid boudoir. It was called the Rodius in Europe, which is a slightly less offensive, phonetically.

Suzuki Mighty Boy

Type of car?
It's a Micro ute/pickup

What's with the name?
When the phrase "Mighty Boy" is intoned, it suggests something that's capable of conquering the world, or shifting great weights. With a flaccid 543cc inline three-cylinder engine, the only thing this diminutive circus freak could move was eyebrows as they shot upwards in disappointment.

Volkswagen Touareg

Type of car?
A fairly large SUV

What's with the name?
Volkswagen's predilection with naming its vehicles after famous gusts of winds was pushed aside for a much better idea – naming its cars after nomadic desert tribes. Not only did Volkswagen spell it wrong (Tuareg) but it also chose a name that no one can pronounce. Jerks.

Ford Ka

Type of car?
Compact city hatchback

What's with the name?
Confusing the customer – and car salespeople – is a great way to wins friends and influence people. the brainiacs at Ford who decided on this one should be shot. Is it said "car" or "kay" or "kay-ay"? Just call it a freaking Ford Fidget or something!

Volkswagen up!

Type of car?
Another tiny city car

What's with the name?
The beer was flowing freely when the marketing department came up with this one, make no mistake. Adding an exclamation mark to the end of the already cheerful name will only make it super-duper, right!? The name is Up! but sales went straight down and the car was subsequently axed in Australia.

Daihatsu Scat

What's with the name?
Naming a car after a word that, according to the dictionary, means to yodel obtusely, "go off hastily" or is just plain old animal faeces, is pure genius. Bravo Daihatsu, bravo. It was also called Taft in some countries, which is almost as dumb. Encore! (cue Daihatsu Applause)

Nissan Cedric

Type of car?
This one is a family car

What's with the name?
Named after Cedric Errol, a fictional character from the book Little Lord Fauntleroy, first published in 1886, the Nissan Cedric has been in production for more than 40 years. Named in 1960 by the CEO of Nissan, Katsuji Kawamata, his heart was in the right place but he seems to have left his brain in the cafeteria.

Ford Probe

Type of car?
It's a slinky sports car

What's with the name?
"I bought a Probe, and I've never felt so energised!" said no one. Ever. Do you drive it, or perhaps perform some sort of experimental exploratory surgery with it?! How this car name got past the quality assurance department at Ford can only be explained by the era – the late 1980s.

Subaru WRX STI

Type of car?
A high-performance sedan

What's with the name?
The Subaru WRX STI is a pretty cool car. It's real fast and it'll get under your skin quick-smart. That's because STI doesn't translate to Subaru Tecnica International, but sexually transmitted infection. In Subaru's defense however, STIs were originally STDs. Swings and roundabouts.

Daihatsu Charade

Type of car?
Compact city car

What's with the name?
When automotive companies choose car names, they attempt to inspire people to buy them, to instil them with confidence and positivity. Unless that company is Daihatsu, in which case the modus operandi is to perplex and baffle. Indeed, the definition of a charade is "something that is done in order to pretend something is true when it is not really true". Just brilliant.