With the sanity dial cranked all the way to 'Charlie Sheen meltdown', the deep blue A3 Clubsport quattro concept car is properly quick. And the man responsible for all RS models, quattro chief Heinz Hollerweger, reminds me that "I switched off the ESP because it's more fun without."
Should be interesting…
So I give it the beans, and on a sopping wet racetrack the full force of the car's almost 400kW five-cylinder turbo-petrol comes to bear vociferously, propelling the car towards the horizon like it's jet-propelled.
As the revs rise I struggle not to laugh like a power-drunk Bond villain… And only just succeed.
The first talking point is its quattro-tuned engine – a unit that sees the car accelerate to 100km/h in a supercar-like 3.6 seconds!
Belting out an evil 368kW at 6000rpm and 600Nm from 2300rpm – thanks to a bigger turbo huffing up to 1.5 bar of boost pressure, an upgraded intercooler and larger intake and exhaust manifolds – the compact sedan is crazy quick. Yet for all its stomp the power delivery is beautifully progressive. There are no power spikes and very little lag, which makes it very user-friendly.
And the noise… My oh my, has there ever been a better sounding five-pot?
It's more angry, dirty, gravelly race-car than well-behaved luxury sedan. It gurgles and grumbles at idle and bellows a guttural war cry as the revs rise.
That it benefits from a tougher multi-plate Haldex centre differential – and a unique final drive ratio – than the Audi quattro production car range means grip is ludicrously good, the all-wheel drive system working its arcane magic to provide exceptional drive on straights and through corners alike.
After the first two bends, on a sodden track which I've never driven on before, I'm staggered at the amount of mechanical grip on offer. The firm suspension and gorgeous power delivery conspire to deliver seemingly fathomless traction.
I wind open the throttle out of the tight third corner and the rear-end enters the most seamless, perfectly benign powerslide I think I've ever performed. The whole manoeuvre occurs smoothly and is so clearly telegraphed through the astute chassis it gives me a feeling of indomitability usually only felt (one presumes) by professional race drivers and evil dictators. I've tried drifting before on several occasions and struggled, yet here it comes naturally.
Hitting the tiny paddle shifter behind the wheel, the seven-speed dual-clutch transmission slots up into third gear and the car's thrust continues to impress, as does the way the car tips into corners. It's like a rear-wheel drive with very little understeer and a slight proclivity for oversteer (unless provoked).
Boasting a similar power-to-weight ratio as the $408,200 Audi R8 V10 Plus supercar, the mad little 1527kg Clubbie has a top speed of 310km/h, though there wasn't quite enough tarmac to test the claim.
To counteract the extreme speed of the low-slung road rocket, the quattro boffins have fitted gargantuan 370mm carbon-ceramic front brake rotors and deceleration is much like the car's acceleration, progressive but with unmitigated confidence and control. It even features an air brake, the rear spoiler rising to almost vertical with heavy braking. It's most effect at speeds above 250km/h but on the track it was rising and falling like a stormy ocean swell.
The Ferrari-hunting Audi A3 Clubsport quattro concept looks the part too. Riding 10mm lower than the already dumped S3, and 60mm wider, the car has presence. Lump in massive 21-inch alloy wheels shod with 275/25-series tyres all round – not to mention aggressive body work via pumped wheel arches – larger front air ducts and a carbon front splitter, there's enough bling here to make Mr T jealous.
And if it wasn't already clear that the quattro crew were serious enthusiasts, the car even has a secret 'dynamic' exhaust model, which results in "big backfires" says one engineer. Oh, and this quick spin was undertaken with 98 RON unleaded; normally it drinks higher octane 100 RON petrol which would have "enhanced" its thrust, according to the quattro boys.
The interior is just like the S3 sedan but with better, more supportive seats and there's cool motorsport-inspired buttons on the steering wheel.
Criticisms? Not many.
The Clubbie's dual-clutch cog-swapper doesn't always respond to requests for downshift, likely to protect the unit against the cruelty of the engine. Other than that I'm drawing blanks...
There's also the fact that the production version of the RS 3 sedan, whose fate will be decided before year's end, won't be as wild as this concept. But even if it retains a modicum of the Clubbie's balance and poise, it will be a world-beater, a killer app that changes the status quo.
The quattro boss says the hi-po engine is tuned for "as much as we can get" and that "a production version would be more like 260kW". There'll also be other changes if and when the production RS 3 sedan gets the green light, such as slightly smaller 20-inch alloy wheels and the removal of the air brake. The rigid suspension would likely be softened via the addition of adaptive dampers, too.
Without doubt, this is one of the best performance cars I've ever driven. The sooner Audi and quattro agree to build it the better.
Even if the production model is only 50 per cent as good as this wonderfully balanced concept car, it'll still be one of the best small sport sedans on the market, and will certainly give the most powerful of BMW's 2 Series and Mercedes' CLA-Class a run for their Deutschmarks.
2014 Audi A3 Clubsport quattro Concept pricing and specifications:
Price: N/A
Engine: 2.5-litre five-cylinder turbo-petrol
Output: 368kW/600Nm
Transmission: Seven-speed dual-clutch
Fuel: N/A
CO2: N/A
Safety Rating: N/A
What we liked:
>> Mechanical grip
>> Balanced chassis
>> Progressive power delivery
Not so much:
>> It's a concept
>> There's only one of them
>> Reluctance to downshift