Five great cars for a mid-life crisis

It's practically the first thought to cross the mind of anyone who realises their death is closer than their birth on their own personal timeline, but buying a car will delay that inevitable event.

Not just any car though. It has to be the biggest, baddest death machine on wheels that can be purchased with one's share from the proceeds of selling the family home.

An excellent example of this syndrome in action was portrayed in the film 'American Beauty', in which anti-hero protagonist Lester swapped his Toyota Camry for a 40-year-old Pontiac Firebird.

But the classic red sports car or muscle car (or pony car in Lester's case) is so passé. What's available in the 2020s to tell the world you're young, vibrant and thus far Viagra-free?

For all the moaning about the price and the 2.0-litre bi-turbo diesel engine powering the high-riding Aussie-designed Baja racer-wannabe, the Ford Ranger Raptor sure sells in decent numbers.

Prospective buyers know the four-cylinder diesel is as formidable as the 3.2-litre five-cylinder engine – and a fair bit more refined and economical too.

The next Ford Ranger Raptor will come with V6 power, putting paid to any suggestion the serious off-road ute doesn't have the neddies to exorcise your inner demons.

But the middle-aged person lusting after this vehicle is not that concerned about straight-line speed in any case. They're picturing themselves leaping off escarpments or bouncing off rocks and termite mounds at high speeds, their best girl/boy by their side.

To some folk, a middle-aged person who buys a Tesla Model 3 is 'woke'. And that's a bad thing, apparently.

Naturally, the Tesla customer accused of being 'woke' will offer some backchat in the process of explaining why they've acquired the flashy, dual-motored all-wheel drive variant of Tesla's sensible electric passenger car.

Then, they'll take their interlocutor out in the Tesla and knock them senseless with the car's astounding acceleration and high-g cornering ability. And after that there'll be nothing further said about weak-kneed eco-cars.

Not everyone can bring themselves to go all electric for the sake of attracting sexual partners.

For those who like a soundtrack to go along with their dramatic visuals, there's the turbo V8-powered Mercedes-AMG C 63.

You need to buy a coupe of course, because no-one can admit to being completely self-absorbed if they're driving a sedan. The kids can climb into the back seat perfectly well without your help on those weekends you have custody.

They're not cheap, however – the C 63, that is. Kids aren't either. But the Mercedes-AMG C 63 is at least worth its weight in street cred.

A big pointy ski boat demands a tandem-axle trailer and a big chunk of Detroit Iron to tow it. And if it has a certain phallic look about it as well, so much the better.

No RAM truck has ever been particularly subtle in its presentation. The large, bulging bonnet packs a punch; that much is obvious. But the RAM 1500 Warlock builds on that with even more suggestive swagger.

While the Chevy Silverado and the Ford F-Series look bluff and brash, only the RAM looks ready to do the business with the next-door neighbour's Prius.

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No article exploring the options open to a driver going through a mid-life crisis is complete without mention of a high-performance sports car – especially if it can be ordered in red.

America's favourite sports car, the Chevrolet Corvette, is on the way here in ex-factory right-hand drive form for the first time.

In its eighth generation, it migrates from front/mid-engined to rear/mid-engined, promising to be everything that Australians have loved about American muscle cars – but with the bonus of… wait for it… cornering ability to parallel some of the most exotic cars from Europe.

And if the specifications and the styling don't ooze sex appeal for you, what exactly will get your juices flowing?