Don't patronise us with the tired old ute cliches: the dusty work site, the hard hat and the Blundstones, for they don't apply to the premium performance ute...
Two-door, two-seat sportscars take on a different slant these days and it's nothing to do with blue collars and hard labour. Instead of nails and pipes, the payload of these utes is go karts and mountain bikes, carefully placed not to scratch the liner.
Body kits, big brakes, bigger wheels and brutal engines are already the existing ingredients for Australia's hottest sedans. But replace the back panels with a tray and what do you really lose? Or what do you really gain?
Sure the Aussie workman's ute still exists, and V8 versions even raise the speed bar, but for a truly brute ute, these three are the best Aussie money can buy: HSV's stonking 6.0-litre V8 Maloo R8, the 5.4-litre V8 FPV Super Pursuit, and to add a different flavour, FPV's 4.0-litre turbocharged F6.
Skin, heart and blood brothers of the ClubSport, GT-P and Typhoon, all three utes offer a real performance alternative to the four-doors. A battle was natural and inevitable.
The interesting thing is that they're not just the ute versions of sedans, they're 'cheaper' ute versions of sedans. Yep, the least expensive way into the HSV/FPV club actually comes with two seats and a really big open boot.
The cheapest way in is the Tornado, and at $51,950, it's $6640 less than the Typhoon. The Super Pursuit is a massive $11,830 saving over the GT-P, while the most expensive of this ute bunch, the maloo R8 is still $9415 less than its ClubSport R8 counterpart.
So their price is right, and so is the power, each ute carrying the same engine, gearbox, power and torque output as its sedan sibling.
Obviously the miss out on a back seat, but without the rear doors, rear electric windows, boot assembly, carpet et al, the utes are also lighter than their sedan equivalents. Or so you'd think.
The Ford utes are based on the one-tonne chassis, and therefore not only sport the separate cab and chassis, but are also 216mm longer in wheelbase and carry the old live-axle rear end -- and an extra 45kg.
The Maloo uses the same platform as the Commodore (on the longer wagon/Statesman wheelbase) and gets sedan-like independent rear suspension -- and at 1696kg, not a single kilogram more than the ClubSport.
Think a GT-P is heavy? Then realise that the longer Super Pursuit, with hard tonneau cover, rings in at a portly 1890kg.
The Super pursuit is just plain difficult to launch. Not known for their easy or fast starts, the Falcon V8s need a careful balance between bogging and wheelspin. But FPV further hampers fast times by fitting a 4000rpm neutral rev limiter. The engine just can't dial up the revs it needs to launch and it bogs down.
The old live-axle Ford diff offers a theoretical launch advantage, but it's that extra fat that kills. That's mainly why the Super Pursuit is slower than the Tornado to 100km/h, but like any ancient Egyptian will tell you, it's hard to stretch your legs when carrying a heavy load.
Super Pursuit might be best called Lose-a-pursuit, as it falls behind the others with a 14.5sec quarter mile. At least the 5.4-litre Boss still sounds impressive, with a cammy Supercar wail above 4000rpm -- shame the aural joy lasts for just 1900rpm before hitting the harsh, relatively low and unmarked 5900rpm limiter.
On 18-inch Dunlops, the Tornado launches almost as well as the V8 on 19s, but takes until the snap into second gear to get ahead. With 6.01sec to 100km/h (no matter how many times we tried for that elusive five), it's already three-tenths ahead of the Super Pursuit, and carries this lead to the quarter-mile, being not only quicker, but also 3km/h faster than the Boss V8.
The answer's in the specs: the Tornado carries a more accelerative 3.7:1 diff ratio over the Super Pursuit's cruiser 3.4:1. Though it also uses a neutral rev limiter; it's set at 5000rpm, which is just enough for sharp launches.
More intriguing though was the black F6's 0.55bar boost measured on our test gauge, against FPV's claims of 0.64bar. Maybe there's even more potential for speed in FPV's Tornado than our times suggest?
But all this faded when the Maloo plugged into the VBox: deactivate traction control (the only ute here with it) and it blasts from 0-100km/h in 5.5sec on the way to a 13.8 quarter-mile, gapping the Tornado in the same way the Tornado gapped the Super Pursuit. Six-litres of LS2 grunt was always going to do that.
If things other than performance count, then the Fords draw back a lot of ground. Their larger cabins can actually fit and carry stuff behind their rear seats, and that's a bigger convenience than its trivial matter sounds; though only the Tornado's seats tilt forward, the Super Pursuit's larger bolsters prevent the same.
There remains the signature Ford hate-crimes: the lack of a marked redline, the high seating position, the vague steering feel and that starter button that we'll continue to slam until it's fixed. But Tornado has a new one: as if the scale-less turbo boost gauge wasn't bad enough, it's been recalibrated in Tornado to be possibly the slowest moving gauge since the hour hand was invented, totally unrepresentative of what's actually going on post-turbo. It renders the FPV boost gauge more useless than the volt gauge in the HSV.
The sculpted steering wheel in the Super Pursuit is a joy to touch, however. And the Fords also score a central locking button, notably lacking in Holdens.
The Super Pursuit also gets the GT-P's command centre screen, and at least its oil pressure and temperature gauges carry some worthwhile use.
V8s are known for their low-down torque. Sadly the current lot of Boss engines belie this notion, and coupled with the driver-equipped 2000kg, Super Pursuit's a right bastard to get off the line cleanly around town, and is too easy to stall; further infuriated by the start button.
That risk is less in the Tornado for all the wrong reasons. Its clutch, like the Typhoon's, remains a sore point. Sure, bite is good and weight is okay, but it suffers the same horrid high take-up point that has your left knee hitting your chin, the car rolling back a metre and the engine spinning to 3000rpm before it bites. Smooth it is not.
If the Fords are made for big boofy Aussie blokes, the Maloo makes them feel like 7/8th scale. Everything is fractionally larger, from the steering wheel to the feel of the shifter to the seats; which is actually to their detriment and they don't offer anywhere near as much lateral support as either Ford. Like the Fords, they also suffer from being mounted too high, oddly contravening their large size.
Like the Super Pursuit, Maloo's rear vision is sliced by the blade of the rear spoiler, leaving the soft-cover Tornado the victor there, but then the Maloo is the only one to get a light in the rear tray. We know, not a major selling point, but you try finding stuff in the dark after a day-long photo shoot and convince us otherwise.
Minor trinkets aside, it's the ability to corner fast that traditionally puts the sedans in front of the utes. The Super Pursuit is least capable here, coupling the live-axle rear end with the heavy front end from the weighty DOHC V8. It feels heavy because it is heavy and though it sticks surprisingly well in the dry, it's the soft torque delivery of the engine along with the slightly larger 19-inch tyres that acts as its own form of traction control. Even in the wet, there's a relative gumball of grip.
Not so the Tornado. Again, in the dry it's up to sedan standards, but in the wet when 550Nm passes through that same rear end, it's only handfuls of opposite lock and throttle modulation that saves it. Fun? Sometimes.
The Maloo just does everything so much better, and the rear suspension combines with the smooth but powerful delivery from the LS2 to grunt out of corners. It still understeers on turn-in, like all Commodores, but its ability to put power down is uncanny.
The Maloo's brakes too are a strong point, the large HSV calipers and big discs working better than the Super Pursuit that, despite its strong Brembos, struggles to deal with its weight problem.
The Tornado is the surprise package and probably the best chassis here. The standard PBR brakes offer a telling pedal and stopping power, and combined with the slightly sharper turn-in from the lighter six-cylinder engine, the Tornado is the lighter more agile fighter.
Back to that diff ratio difference that helped the Tornado's acceleration, and the downside is higher cruising revs, sitting on 2000rpm at 100km/h, while the Super Pursuit is turning just 1750rpm. The Maloo's 1600rpm at 100km/h in sixth is barely above idle, but it does help fuel use. And in car with this much power and weight, that difference is clear.
Our driving involved city, highway and performance time testing, but while the Maloo and Tornado both drink around the same (Maloo: 17.1lt/100km, F6: 18.5lt/100km), the Super Pursuit's weight kills not only its performance, but also its fuel use, slurping down a hard-earned 27lt/100km. Rack up a lot of kays and you'd be looking at some ugly fuel bills in the V8 Ford.
But which ute is best? The reality is we're spoiled for choice, with each ute catering for a niche within the niche. There's a premier performance V8 from Ford and Holden, and a turbo-six for fans of forced induction. Each has its highs and lows but from the small poll we took of ute ownders, many buyers base their decision more on brand loyalty than deliberating on the better car.
At the flag, the Maloo R8 is the best all-rounder here, no contest.
It's the fastest, hands down, has sedan-like suspension and handling, supreme brakes and provided cabin space isn't an issue, has the FPVs covered.
Save $3500, though, and buy the Super Pursuit and you'll get the best seats, the best sounding engine, a more user-friendly cabin, and though its shortcomings are there, compared to its GT-P sedan brother, the V8 Ford ute is an absolute bargain.
If money matters and a Maloo is too expensive, then FPV's Tornado is the epitome of bang for your bucks. Way less than the already thrifty Typhoon sedan, it's the most understated, least visually dramatic of the three, but its almost-equal performance to the sedan, its light front end and more agile handling than the V8s and its day-to-day useability earns FPV's F6 Tornado our stamp of approval and choice for performance utes.