Holden Calais V 2018 Long-term Review - 1

Days of indifference

After a long day in the office staring at a computer screen while being bombarded by the life-sapping photons of a dozen fluorescent light tubes, the idea of hopping into a Commodore and burying the right foot sounded appealing.

Bluetooth connected, political ideology podcast loaded through Bluetooth, I thumb the engine start button and V6 sparks to life with a subtle burble. Neat.

I ease the car out of the high-security underground bunker that is the Carsales.com Ltd car park and after 20 minutes in traffic I realise something.

The Holden Commodore I knew and loved, the car I grew up with, is dead. Not in the sense that it's no longer available from the dealership, or that Holden's Aussie factories have been shut, the workers laid off, local input gone forever (well, not quite).

No, it's that when I get into a car with the badge "Commodore" on it I expect a few things to happen in a certain way. Sadly that's not the case.

Holden's engineering ranks have had a red hot go at 'Australianising' the new German-made Commodore and in the case of the new Calais V the steering and suspension aren't too shabby.

They're not outstanding either. It rides on big 20-inch alloy wheels with 245/35 rubber which look amazing but jostle the car about over smaller, more acute bumps and ripples in the road.

I had the good fortune to test the Opel Insignia with its European-tuned suspension back to back with Holden's Aussie-updated suspension on the imported Commodore back in August 2017. It was at Holden's Lang Lang proving ground and the difference between the two was stark.

The local tuning changes made to the imported Commodore – and this Calais – make it a more settled machine.

Yet for all the local tuning, the fact of the matter is Holden's luxury Calais V model is not as silky smooth as a VX Holden Commodore Berlina – a veritable couch on wheels – nor even a VFII Calais.

It's a European car for European drivers suited to European roads.

This Calais just doesn't feel like a Calais should… but to its credit it does shred pretty hard through roundabouts. That V6 is a mean piece of hardware. It's fast, no doubt about it, but the new Calais V still lacks the soul a rear-drive rig delivers and it operates without the composure of its Aussie forebear over crummy road surfaces.

A quick look at the sales figures would suggest the new German-made ZB-series Holden Commodore is a lost cause, that Holden was foolish for sullying the Commodore's heritage with a pretender that neither looks nor feels like its badge suggests.

Part of me agrees wholeheartedly with this suggestion.

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Around town with the 2018 Holden Calais

The Calais V does a decent job in the suburbs, around the city and as a daily driver slogging its way through a daunting commute, but is far from class-leading.

My daily commute is about 12km and on average takes around 35min, with a heavily clogged freeway section across Melbourne's notorious Westgate bridge, an architectural ode to the 1970s, and the Calais shows a clean pair of heels.

In slow moving traffic the Calais' 3.6-litre V6 (235kW/381Nm) has a refined, tractable bottom end so you can tickle the throttle gently to meander along at a snail's pace. It's also a remarkably refined engine which, again, doesn't match the Commodore heritage.

It sounds good (for an innocuous European car) but compared to a V8 Calais it doesn’t have the sonority. Throttle response is excellent but the car is thirsty when confronted with several sets of traffic lights.

After five days of pure commuting and urban driving the trip computer was reading 9.3L/100km which is actually pretty good considering the claimed 9.1 average. When I left the office really late one night and the freeway cruising was easy going and the traffic lights were in my favour, the single trip figure fell to as low as 6.3L/100km.

Adaptive cruise control is another way to alleviate the stress of commuter traffic and it works well in this vehicle and is one feature its Aussie predecessor missed out on. The head-up display is a nice touch in busy scenarios and is always bright and clear, even when the sun's light is pouring directly in.

The nine-speed automatic is also a keen hunk of mechanical doodadery, shifting smoothly but rapidly through ratios to ensure the car always maintains a refined level of locomotion.

Given a chance to stretch its legs and the Calais V's all-wheel drive system hooks up very effectively with the V6 and nine-speed auto to deliver sharp acceleration… almost too sharp. It's the kind of acceleration that will make passengers gasp if not forewarned; it's without the subtlety of previous Commodore V6s.

Although the Calais V has an electronic park brake, the lack of an auto hold function makes the traffic-light tango about as enticing as a cinder block to the temple.

Behind the wheel in the Holden Calais V

The view from the driver's seat is generally pretty snazzy, with a large LCD display in the instrument panel providing the Calais V with a high-tech, upmarket feel. But it's simultaneously let down by the dowdy, drab controls below the large central infotainment screen.

Steering wheel buttons are likewise a bit olde worlde but at least there's not too much complexity here.

Incidental storage up front is pretty good. There's a spot for a drink or two, you're phone and the wireless smartphone charger too, and all of them feature a closable lid, perfect for those with OCD tendencies. I liked the large door pockets that fit different sized bottles but the tiny glovebox was a turnoff.

The front leather seats are very comfortable and quite large, while the black leather with grey stitching adds a touch of elegance to the cabin.

Despite a rear-facing camera, proximity sensors fore and aft and a 360-degree surround view display, parking the Holden Calais V isn't always easy. Its wide 11.1m turning circle, kerb to kerb, is average and placing its 4890mm length is sometimes like trying to get a square peg in a triangular socket.

It's not the greatest city car every built but loading bags into the 490-litre boot is pretty straightforward and one of the few cool surprises with this car is the trick boot release, a clever push-button Holden logo.

After being put through its paces as an around-town car, the Holden Calais V didn't exactly come up trumps. If it has to be a Commodore, smarter urbanites will choose the lighter, more frugal front-drive 2.0-litre turbo-petrol which will save you almost $20K.

Then again, if it has to be a Commodore, check out the carsales classifieds for a low kilometre VF Series II model, because this car doesn't really look or feel like its descendants.

Let's face it: the large car market is dead. Holden should have done the right thing and retired the Commodore name instead of flogging a dead horse. This car feels like a once-proud boxer taking a pummelling in the ring for one last paycheque.

Only the promoter has left town early and the only thing left is an awkward silence.

How much is the 2018 Holden Calais V?
Price: $51,990 (plus on-road costs)
Engine: 3.6-litre six-cylinder petrol
Output: 235kW/381Nm
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Fuel: 9.3L/100km (as tested)
CO2: 212g/km (ADR Combined)
Safety Rating: Five-star ANCAP