Lamborghini Urus: Five things we don’t like, and two we do...

At first glance Lamborghini’s first modern SUV — the Urus — is a colossus.

The twin-turbo V8 monster has more mumbo than former Russian president Boris Yeltsin, its 478kW peaking at a screaming 6800rpm.

Peak torque of 850Nm starts the party at just 2250rpm – it's like doing karaoke and cocktails before breakfast. Just mad!

It all combines with an all-wheel drive system that accelerates the 2.2-tonne behemoth to 100km/h in just 3.6sec, then on to a top speed of 305km/h.

But this vehicle is not about exotic purity, it's about cashing in on the SUV boom. So here are the five things I don't like about the Lamborghini Urus.

1. The design

If you took the badge off this car, it could be mistaken for a Dyson hair dryer, or perhaps one of those new Lynk & Co cars from China. Or maybe a life-sized Lego kit?

Yes, the 23-inch wheels are banging and the rear-end looks OK, but this is a Lamborghini! It needs way more angles and crazy flourishes. It needs to scream "I'm loco, get outta my way!". This is a toned-down SUV for the masses that says "I'm vaguely important, please move over".

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2. The engine

It might bring more power, but the 4.0-litre twin-turbo V8 under the pointy bonnet of the Lamborghini Urus has been seen in countless other vehicles. Several Bentley, Porsche and Audi vehicles have this engine. Usually that would be something to crow about, but this is a Lambo SUV, not a Volkswagen Tiguan.

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3. Performance

The Lamborghini Urus should be the fastest, wildest SUV in the world. Strap in, shut up and hold on. But it's not. The Tesla Model X accelerates faster to 100km/h (3.2secs) and is an ugly blob of a car.

Imagine the grubby feeling after being trounced at the traffic light tango by an oversized battery? And even Jeep’s upcoming, more powerful 527kW Grand Cherokee Trackhawk is as quick.

There's more: The 305km/h top speed is only marginally faster than the previous record holder, Bentley’s Bentayga W12 (301km/h). It should have blown it away, not asked politely if it can ease in front.

The Urus' 2.2-tonne weight isn't as chubby as some hi-po SUVs but, seriously, where's the carbon-fibre body panels, the aerospace engineering, the hollow honeycombed bits?!?

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4. Grab for cash

Car companies are not charities and must make money to exist but Lamborghini pandering to the SUV market will be a burning knife through the heart of the Lambo faithful.

It's going to single-handedly double Lamborghini's annual global sales from around 2000 to 4000 in record time but I wonder what Ferruccio Lamborghini would have thought?

Yes, there is a precedent with the 1980s LM002 Lamborghini 4x4, but this may as well be an Audi RS Q7. The onion in the ointment? There's no manual.

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5. It's an Audi

If money is no object, drop the $390,000 on this ungainly but venomous high-riding Italian weapon and have fun scaring old people as you blip the throttle. But bear in mind your four-door marauder sits on the same platform as the aforementioned Bentayga, Porsche Cayenne and even the Audi A4.

Even if the Huracan shares its platform with the Audi R8, we’ll wait for the slightly-less contrived Ferrari SUV, thanks.

And now here are two things I do like about the Lamborghini Urus…

1. Rear-wheel steering and drift mode

The Urus looks preposterous from some angles but it takes advantage of the active rear-wheel steering mechanism from the Lambo Aventador S.

I've slammed that car on the track and it’s an epic system. It can add or subtract up to three degrees of angle on the rear axle which, in combination with a clever AWD system, should transform the Urus into a Ford Focus RS-like AWD drift machine for retired merchant bankers.

If you're going to look preposterous, at least frag some tyres while you're at it.

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2. Brakes

The Urus has the biggest and boldest brakes of any production car to date. If 10-piston monobloc callipers ripping into massive 440mm front discs sounds like gobbledygook, consider this.

This big, heavy SUV will stop quicker than an automotive journalist being asked to pay for lunch – 100-0km/h in just 33.7 metres.