Reader's blog: Sympathy for the SUV driver

WARNING: ACERBIC SOCIAL COMMENTARY
There are some bad drivers on the roads; we all know this.

But let's for the moment play a game... It's called "I don't make up the stereotypes, I just see them".

Allow me to paint you a picture:
Saturday afternoon, you're humming along with the cruise control set to an indicated 103 (which is a VBox-tested 99, naturally).

The traffic is going a bit slower so you move into the right lane to overtake. The driver in front of you seems to have the same idea, except they're going about five kays slower. Just sitting there in the right lane, doing very little except ignoring the "keep left unless overtaking rule" and annoying you in the process.

Sure enough... it's an SUV.

"Bloody softroaders! Don't they know the S stands for STUPID!!!"

(Well probably something else, but this is a family-friendly website).

"What an idiot, doesn't he/she know that wagons drive much better than those monstrosities!"

Multiple expletives follow...

Ok, stop nodding.

We're an elitist bunch, us enthusiasts. We judge people, and more specifically their level of intelligence, by the cars they drive. But we crank the judgeometer up to 11 whenever the topic of SUVs pops up.

Stuck in gridlock one morning recently I had an epiphany: At best, we are ignorant, at worst absolute hypocrites.

Please, stop throwing things at your screen. Hear me out.

You see, we criticise, but we don't ACTUALLY know the driver's circumstances. How do we know that the vehicle doesn't fulfil a specific need?

"Turn it up mate, those things are about as useful as a chocolate kettle!"

Let's flip things around a bit; instead of you coming up behind the SUV, let's imagine the SUV is taking time out from the school run and you are the one impersonating a Camry (Stereotypes, stereotypes everywhere!) sitting at 95 km/h in your RS3:

"Look at that idiot in his RS3! Oh look at me, I can go from zero to 100 in 4.3 seconds! What an idiot, why wouldn't he have saved $15k over an already quick S3 just so he can get to the next set of traffic lights less than 1 second quicker?"

(I get that your stereotypical SUV driver doesn't know those specs but please just suspend your disbelief for the sake of the exercise)

See how that works? The truth of the matter is we really don't NEED anything that pulls your cheeks back like a Kardashian's, any more than we think an SUV owner needs the extra 25mm ride height to make them feel safer. Our enthusiast mobiles come equipped with standard DHC – Dynamic Hypocrisy Control.

Just because someone else's car doesn't make sense in your eyes, doesn't mean it is stupid.

"OK mate I hear what you're saying, but what about kerb weight? Seriously those things are so bloated they make Clive Palmer look like he's just finished a stint on <Insert weight-loss-based reality show here>".

A Lexus RC Coupé should probably bypass the all-you-can-eat bar at Sizzler too, but I bet you don't look down your nose at people who bought those in the same way as you do to someone that bought the RX.

"But why do you need something that big?"

A cursory review of erm, reviews, on this very site reveals a proliferation of articles noting a dearth of headroom in the never-ending quest for style. Unless your mates are Tom Cruise or Grant Denyer, you probably need a car with a roof that can accomodate, you know, average-sized humans.

I have a confession to make. I own an SUV. Two, actually. Big ones. You know what their single biggest drawcard is? Two words: Transmission tunnel. Or rather, a relative lack thereof.

I've rented a Pajero that didn't have one, and my Territories only have little ones. If you've ever had the misfortune of seating three kids in the back seat of a non SUV, you'll know what I'm getting at.

That evil mound in the middle has been the genesis of many a barney in the Burgundy household. Quarrelling kids make a noise that no naturally-aspirated V8 from Affalterbach could ever drown out.

So next time you get up on your high horse about someone's chosen chariot, perhaps have a long hard look in a (rear-view) mirror and consider your own choices first.