The reader's comment of 2015

Alternative-energy vehicles really divide opinion. People either love them or hate them. In recent times we've even seen the alt-energy camp divide – EVs (electric vehicles) on the left, FCVs (fuel cell vehicles) on the right.

But few opinions have been quite as outspoken as one from a commenter bearing the alias 'TD'.

Received during the second week of December, TD's comment was in response to this article concerning the proposed banning of internal-combustion cars by 2050. Unfortunately, TD's forthright views and unique approach to punctuation never made it into the public domain. We couldn't find half an hour out of someone's day to edit out the profanities and leave it readable.

Now, for the first time, we're proud to present the expurgated version – with a complete translation.

Enjoy...

This is f**king bulls**t f**k electric cars i f**king better get the car i want soon i will spend the rest my life driving normal cars this electric bulls**t better f**king not happen till I'm dead stupid f**king c**ts can't wait till 2070 f**king t***ts can go to hell motherf**kers no one deserves to live if we all switch to electric cars f**king traitorous bastards and i hate people that dont like real cars electric cars and small cars are a f**king joke and f**k everyone to death you will all go to hell for this i only give a f**k about nice cars that is the most respectable and important thing in the world and I'm talking about material things now like paintings and s**t anything that isn't alive and to everyone out there who has ever crashed or damaged nice, good looking, or fast sexy cars of all the luxurious or exotic brands has no right to a nice or respectable car and is forbidden and deserves to die unless your a good person just doing the right thing and is a accident but if your some immature show off low life that does stupid s**t you can f**king burn in hell and be molested by the flames of a firey pitch fork you dried up dirty c**t f**king scumbag the only people that belong near nice cars are people that respect them and look after them not like that c**ksucking piece of s**t how drag raced a lamborghini (nice one) and crashed it and hurt people then just starts texting on his phone and is completely oblivious to the fact that he is a f**king loser a total discrimination and deserves to die he shall have his arms legs and head decapitated from his torso and all his blood drained into a satanic pentagram then p**s on his remains and burn them and carve the devils name into his skull and f**k all you c**k violated dips**ts in your small short ass electric cars you f**king sell outs you shall burn to death and may your corpses be p**sed on and violated you f**king people think you all have the world figured out with your stupid f**king opinions and your unconvincing uptight adatude

Tally of profane references
Sexual intercourse (and different conjugations): 18
Faecal waste: 6
Urine: 2
Female pudenda: 2 starting with c and 1 starting with t
Membrum virile: 2

The abridged (Google) translation (with punctuation added) follows:

This is utter mendacity. Destroy electric cars by means of vigorous copulation. I plan to buy a car for myself that won't be electric. I won't ever buy an electric car. I will make veiled threats against anyone introducing legislation to remove internal-combustion cars from the roads prior to my demise. Those miscreants who cannot wait for my inevitable bereavement (before 2070) can make their own way to the underworld for all eternity. They are incestuous heterosexual boys.

Life will not be worth living in a world of electric cars. Those who have proposed this scheme are truly treacherous, illegitimate children. I harbour a strong antipathy for anyone who is not enamoured of real cars.

Electric cars and small cars are a cause of endless, rueful mirth, and I demand that anyone supporting this proposal be terminated by means of sexual congress, and then cast down to spend the afterlife in Hades.

My one passion is for nice cars. To me, that is the ultimate expression of all that is good in the world – including works of art and other sundry chattels. I ultimately insist on public execution for those who would wilfully (but not accidentally) damage cars that are prestigious, valuable, attractive and dynamically adept. In the event you have shown a propensity to callow narcissism, your existence in the afterlife should comprise discomfiture from a multi-pronged farm implement heated to unbearable levels.

It is disturbing to see a person of low bearing destroy a Lamborghini and injure bystanders, after which the driver transmits a brief typewritten message by a carrier service. That sort of person is ignorant of his lowly standing in the established social order. For this behaviour the driver should be condemned to death, following by a series of ritualistic acts, including removal of the driver's head and anatomical extremities, syphoning bodily fluids into an occultist diagram prescribed on a floor, urinating on the cadaver before setting it ablaze and inscribing Beelzebub's name in the cranium.  

I repudiate all you of poor intellect and low esteem who have been sexually penetrated [because?] you own small electric vehicles. You have betrayed me and you will die by immolation, after which you will be doused in urine and sexually penetrated once more. You are fornicators who labour under your own misapprehensions and your unconvincing uptight attitude.

And we thought Donald Trump was hard-core...