BEST OF BRITISH: Making a splash in the Jaguar F-TYPE rally car

Proof, if proof were ever needed, that Jaguar has a sense of humour is the existence of the F-TYPE Rally.

While other more sensible car-makers would celebrate seven decades of sports car heritage with a commemorative plate, large cake or, more likely nowadays, a hedonistic champagne-fuelled VIP party, Jaguar put its engineers to work.

Their mission: to pay tribute to NUB 120 – the original legendary 1948 XK 120 that was campaigned heroically by driver Ian Appleyard and his wife, the daughter of the British car-maker’s founder Pat Lyons.

That explains why the Jaguar F-TYPE Rally has been built for rallying, not racing at Le Mans (the XK went there a few years later).

Personally, I'm glad they went with the former, rather than the latter (Jaguar already has a GT4 racer) because in my humble opinion nothing is cooler than a rally car -- whether it's based on a humble hatch, sedan, supercar or two-door roadster.

That explains why, to me -- and everyone else who loves motorsport -- in the flesh the F-TYPE rally car has knee-trembling design attributes.

From its raised ride height, long-travel suspension, hydraulic handbrake, shrunken 16-inch rims, mud and gravel tyres and ultra-cool light pod, the F-TYPE convinces from every angle.

And it should, because if Jaguar wanted to go racing tomorrow in the Monte Carlo rally, the F-TYPE would be ready to race – from its full roll-cage and six-point harness to its fire suppressant system, the gravel-loving roadster is compliant with all current FIA regs.

The only disappointment is what lurks beneath its bonnet.

Instead of a tuned supercharged 5.0-litre V8 from the F-TYPE SVR with, say 500kW, there's Jag's humble 2.0-litre turbocharged four-cylinder that pushes out the same 221kW and 400Nm of torque as the road car.

It's such a shame that the F-TYPE rally car also misses out on the SVR's all-wheel drive but commendable that engineers said, from day one, they wanted their rally car to stick with rear-wheel drive to hark back to the golden years of the sport.

All-wheel drive would have also limited how much they could increase the ride height of the F-TYPE and it's telling that, even with the 2.0-litre turbo engine in place, only a measly extra 40mm could be liberated.

But every little helps over a gravel and mud surface – and today there's plenty of that.

Overnight the tight-twisting rally circuit we're about to tackle has had a "bit of rain" and, as we first catch sight of the one-of a-kind F-TYPE, the heavens open.

This is a bit of a problem for several reasons. The first is that this particular F-TYPE lacks both a roof and windows and the second is that both my minder Jade and I have no waterproofs to speak of.

While I'm worrying about catching my death of cold, Jade and the Jaguar engineers have other more pressing concerns.

The F-TYPE Rally has had little development running in cold, sodden conditions and today's run is a little alien to everyone involved.

Luckily, I'm an old hand when it comes to Jaguar's Fen End rally circuit as I have driven the tight, twisty course numerous times when it was owned by Prodrive – yes, the same outfit that prepared Colin McRae's Subarus.

It only dawns on me when I climb out that Jaguar has made some choice modifications to what used to be a full tarmac course. They've bulldozed part of it, added mud and gravel sections and planted trees where there weren't trees.

A short bit of mental arithmetic and I realise I was last here 10 years ago and that I haven't a clue which way the 'new' circuit goes.

Lowering myself into the narrow race seat, I place a pair of cheeks into the cool puddle of standing rainwater that has gathered on the driver’s seat.

It makes me gasp. I gasp again soon after as the proper race harness is unceremoniously tightened. It's now raining hard but only Jade knows the treacherous course that lies ahead of us.

Squeezing the throttle, the revs flare and the rear wheels begin spinning as I catch myself laughing that I'd wished for a V8.

With deleted exhaust centre stacks, the F-TYPE's bark seems more urgent then I remember, as we gather speed quickly and the thin-rimmed wheel gently writhes in my hands.

It's not just the Ingenium-four that's vocal; Jade's barking too and I try (I really do) but fail to follow her precise instructions.

In my defence, despite from my initial spinning, I'm struggling to grapple with the silly amounts of traction the rally-spec tyres and limited-slip diff are generating.
That, and how smooth the ride is across the bumpy, neglected piece of road.

Featuring 40 per cent softer springs than the road car, it's no surprise the F-TYPE gets hand-built competition dampers with remote reservoirs and three-way adjustment to adapt to most road surfaces.

Expertly missing the mother of all potholes that earlier swallowed a full-size cone, I arrive at the first corner off line and a fraction too quick.

The 5mm aluminium bash plates soon earn their living as slippery mud makes way for gravel that sounds like machine gun fire under body.

Entering a gentle left-hander, the F-TYPE Rally and I begin to bond.

Picking up the throttle, the rear tyres break free and the F-TYPE swings sideways gently before I catch and hold a lurid drift.

"I'm McRae, I'm Colin McRae", I think.

Jade soon breaks my fantasy with a short, sharp yelp as the F-TYPE drifts sideways through a large puddle and a sizeable wave of brown muddy water drenches my poor co-pilot.

Back on the short straight to a 90-degree left-hander and I'm beginning to realise the F-TYPE isn't anywhere near as engaging as I thought and hoped it would be, instead feeling both aloof, heavy and detached.

Apart from my earlier McRae moment, it makes it difficult for me to engage, trust or push – or at least that's my excuse.

With all the safety kit on board, at least I can explain why it feels so heavy – the F-TYPE is rumoured to tip the scales north of 1500kg – in motorsport terms it's a bit of a bloater.

Without anti-skid brakes (or stability control) I soon lock the front wheels (that feature proper rally car brakes) when I reach the final corner and end my first lap of what, quite frankly, can be best described as a shambolic piece of driving.

Tackling the circuit the opposite way is barely any better, not least because on the way back my glasses begin to fog and, the only time I try to push harder, I encounter a touch of terrifying understeer that edges us closer to some hungry-looking trees.

I soon face up to some hard truths. The F-TYPE Rally and I are just not bonding, so I do the honourable thing and retire from my role as works Jaguar rally driver and hand over to my minder.

I probably should have mentioned earlier that my minder, Jade Pavely, is actually the current junior Welsh tarmac rally champion and far more qualified to be behind the wheel.

Perversely, I soon learn far more from the passenger seat than I ever did behind the wheel.

Jade, who normally spends her time campaigning a Subaru WRX, admits the rear-drive F-TYPE remains a novelty – but you couldn't tell.

Spinning up the rear wheels, just as I did, she hurtles down the same bumpy stretch of road at least 15-20km/h faster than I would dare and does something I just couldn't bring myself to do – ignore the numbness, be brave and trust that there's grip. And, of course, there is. Lots.

Drifting around the same 180-degree left-hander as I did earlier, the Welsh champ finally gets her revenge by unleashing a veritable full tsunami wave of muddy water over me.

Back on the straight I finally enjoy, not endure, the experience. The F-TYPE still isn't that quick, but under braking and over bumps it is astonishingly capable and well-balanced -- in Jade's hands at least.

A 360-degree victory donut completes the lap and Jade's precision and fearlessness is in stark contrast with my well-defined sense of self-preservation.

Another lap and all four tyres are steaming, such is the heat generated from Jade's hot laps.

I yearn to have another go, as now I understand the car a bit better, but when the hail begins we call time.

Soaked to the skin and shivering a little (from the cold not the adrenalin, honest), I can barely wipe the smile off my face and barely believe that the Jaguar F-TYPE Rally exists.

It's criminal that Jaguar has already announced that it will never go rallying.

Who wouldn't want to see a one-make championship of, say, 20 F-TYPE roadsters battling away before every round of the World Rally Championship?

Sure, sideways is slow, but I guarantee every single one of those drivers would be having more fun than those piloting those low-flying WRC missiles.

So long as it didn't rain.