Land Rover Discovery Sport 2015 Long-term test - 3

I think we all know the negative stereotype of the Land Rover owner, so I won’t dwell on it. For those that are unaware, the car (and it’s more expensive sister, the Range Rover) has earned itself the nickname ‘the Toorak tractor’ in certain parts of Melbourne. This could translate to the Vaucluse Vehicle or the Cottosloe Conveyor if you’re elsewhere.

Upon getting into the car for the first time as a Nissan Tiida devotee, I can understand why. People look like ants from this high up.

Okay, not quite. But I do feel like cruising through residential streets and doing a royal wave to the peasants craning their necks to look up at me.

Now I understand why those private school mums never let me in during peak hour: they must have felt far too important for that kind of nonsense.

But waving to adoring onlookers is not something I’ll be doing much of because the Landie, as it is affectionately nicknamed by colleagues, is not exactly a smooth drive.

For starters, it has that very modern problem of an incredibly stupid gear stick. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse than having to push a button to put a car into park, Land Rover has crafted the world’s worst gear stick.

The pop-out rotator will have you absentmindedly groping thin air as you search for something, anything, to take a hold of. Alas, despite the brawn and bulk of the rest of the car, one of its most important components is bizarrely fiddly and easy to miss.

If you can look past that minor yet infuriating detail, the Landie’s interior is comfortable, like a big, roomy leather couch you sink into. Unfortunately, at city speeds the car drives something like a couch too – it’s sluggish and temperamental.

Jumpy transitioning between gears, combined with a heavy body and the disconcerting idle-stop system, make manoeuvring out of a tight park feel something like guiding a loaded passenger plane down a Melbourne laneway. Even opening the door takes serious strength.

There’s also some pedal lag going on, meaning I don’t feel confident the car would pull through for me when overtaking or turning right in front of oncoming traffic. It idles slightly before giving a buck when accelerating out of streets, driveways or slip lanes.

If it sounds like I’m complaining – I am. No one wants to feel uncertain in a car of that size.

But this is where the tale takes an interesting turn: I decide to take the Landie away for a weekend in the country.

Here, on the dirt roads and freeways of wine country is where the Landie really shines.

Once you get up to a comfortable speed of about 80km/h and above it is smooth and
reasonably quiet for a diesel engine.

Rocky terrain elicits barely a bump and the sweeping windshield and sunroof allow you to make the most of the scenery. There are even rubber mats at your feet to collect all that mud and muck you’ve accumulated by taking the road less travelled. Would have been even better if the sunroof actually opened to let the breeze in, but I won’t push my luck.

Loading luggage into the car is made stress-free with the automated boot control, a simple but surprisingly wonderful addition.

For family road trips, the sound system is easy to use and very customisable so you can fade that Frozen soundtrack to right up the back where the kids sit. Bluetooth is pretty seamless to set up too and the sound quality is excellent.

Making up for the heft of the car is its wonderful reverse camera, which is like a wide-screen television. Accurate and detailed, it will rescue you from hitting that pole that looks at least a metre away in the rear-view.

But you didn’t think I was done complaining did you? Another small but irritating design flaw: the window controls are stupidly high up on the door. I’m warning you, don’t attempt to put the window down or up while executing a move more complex than driving in a straight line. You will get discombobulated and end up steering off the road while you inanely paw at the door searching for buttons.

As compensation, the automatic setting for the wipers and headlights is intelligent and quick thinking.

According to my trip computer, the fuel consumption is a little higher than the advertised 5.3L/100km – my week of city/country driving came in at 7.6L/100km on average. Still, for such a large car that’s not the worst-case scenario.

Finally, the Landie’s appearance is obviously a big drawcard. For something that feels so big, Land Rover has managed to make it look somewhat sleek and compact.

According to my neighbours, who spend a good five minutes oohing and aahing over the car, it looks expensive – particularly in the muted gold I’m driving.

And, look, you’d certainly want it to. Fifty-thousand dollars is nothing to sneeze at (unless you’ve got hayfever from your luxury weekend at your country house) and the same fee could get you a deposit on a home, a round-the-world airfare, heck – even a racehorse.

Add to that the cost of fuel, servicing and any pimp-my-ride add-ons and you’ve probably got enough cash to dine exclusively on lobster.

With no family-sized entourage or country home to speak of, I think I’ll take the horse, thanks.

2015 Land Rover Discovery Sport SD4 SE pricing and specifications:
Price: from $53,300 ($68,206 as tested, plus on-road costs)
Engine: 2.2-litre four-cylinder turbo-diesel
Output: 140kW/420Nm
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Fuel: 6.3L/100km (ADR Combined)
CO2: 161g/km (ADR combined)
Safety Rating: Five-star ANCAP